Networking without “Networking”

The idea of “networking” to level up in your career tends to conjure up fear in the hearts of most people looking to make changes to their life. Personally, when I heard the word my mind immediately goes to a “drinks reception” where a name tag is shoved on your lapel and you’re made to stand next to random people in a grey conference room surrounded by tables of lonely-looking cucumber sandwiches and Evian bottles, inauthentically rummaging for a modicum of commonality you might have with George, a middle manager at a chemicals plant.

It doesn’t have to be this way. And that’s largely because this isn’t what networking is meant to be about. Let’s bring it back to first principles.

First of all, what does it mean to have a “good network”? You can say you have a good network if you have someone you can reach out to for more or less whatever you need doing. That means knowing a wide array of people with the influence, knowledge, skills or connections that can help you with job searches, introductions, advice or general problem solving. Importantly, however, knowing them isn’t enough — they also need to be willing to help you.

And why would they help you? Generally, three reasons. They might help you because they like or admire you, because they want to help you succeed, or because there’s some quid pro quo in it for them. Let’s take each of these in turn.

If you want to become someone that people like or admire, but don’t know where to start, it helps to invert the question: rather than figuring out how to be liked or admired, think about who do you like or admire? Maybe you like people who are selfless, generous and kind, and maybe you admire people with dedication, knowledge and positive energy. Seek to emulate the people around you that you like or admire, and seek their company more often. You will find that adopting those traits more proactively will make you liked and admired more.

The second motivation is the desire to help you succeed. This can be because the person empathises with you (they see themselves in you or have been through the same situation as you in the past), or because they simply want to help. The key action here is to surface your needs. Showing vulnerability is probably the hardest thing for us to do, but it also shows strength and courage, and you would be surprised how many people are prepared to respond to it. If people don’t know you are struggling or need help, it’s very hard for them to help you. Don’t be afraid to ask, but also don’t be afraid to show that you need help.

Finally, you will have people in your network who would be willing to help you if something is in it for them. This could be historic — you have helped them in the past and therefore they feel compelled to reciprocate — or it could be in anticipation of something you might do for them in the future. Develop a reputation for being a problem solver or a door opener and you will find it easier to solicit help from others in the future. Also, look for win-win relationships, where your counterpart is likely to be rewarded simply for helping you achieve your goals. Remember, this reward could be material (ex. an investor-founder relationship), but it doesn’t necessarily need to be (ex. mentor-mentee).

Now that we have established what traits are most likely to result in a productive network, how do we build a network in the first place? To do this, you need to follow very similar principles: going first, and putting yourself out there. Find the places where the people you want to develop a network with tend to be, and actively find ways to participate in that community.

Make yourself more available: offer your time to coach or mentor others, volunteer in the community, put yourself in organising committees, give talks, attend courses, and whenever a bridge is built, propose a video call or coffee to get to know the person and see how and where you can help. Look for people that you have a genuine connection with, and are genuinely interested in getting to know. You will find the conversation will flow more naturally if you have a real connection with a person. If you don’t, don’t bother.

Opportunities to speak on a one-to-one basis are great. You can invest your time with your counterpart with intention because you already know they are someone you’re interested in, and with whom you have things in common. Be sure to sharpen your story, but don’t be inauthentic. If the connection is as good as you initially thought, your relationship will endure over the years. These sorts of bonds are so much easier to develop on an individual basis rather than at a group event.

At the end of the day, nothing will ever replace the strength of the networks you develop through school and work. Nurture those from time to time as those are the people who know you the best and have seen you in action. But there is no harm in augmenting that network by developing new relationships based on effort and reciprocity.

And finally, remember it’s meant to be fun. If it feels forced to you, it will come across as forced to others, and your chances of developing meaningful connections will diminish with it. Be true to yourself, be kind to others, and people will love you for it.

In short: put yourself out there, give first, focus on real connections, and have fun. The rest is likely to follow.